I never would have imagined that driving over 7000 miles with my husband, dog, and three teenagers (OK, two of them JUST turned 20 so they’re still teenagers to me) for six and a half weeks that spanned 15 different states with practically no sightseeing involved (except highways, Walmart parking lots, the occasional campground and music venues), would end up being the best summer of our lives. We often hear the phrase “life-changing” and tend to overuse it for dramatic effect, but I can confidently say that this summer tour was a life changing experience thanks to the incredible people we met and the lessons we learned along the way.
Initially the thought of 47 days on the road was very intimidating. After all, there would be five of us plus a dog living in very close quarters, so I wasn’t sure if we would end up miserable and sick of each other. Miraculously we all survived (and dare I say thrived?) and made it safely home, not only still liking each other, but with changed hearts and minds, a deepened faith and stronger family bond.
Sure the RV was always a little dirty and messy and we all were a little (OK, a lot) smelly at times, but I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. Of course there were minor annoyances like the fact that every day without fail I’d find several half full water bottles throughout the RV that somehow belonged to “no one ”. (My personal lesson in letting things go!) But overall we grew closer, had countless deep meaningful conversations, laughed a lot at each other and our stupid jokes, and endured lots of friendly ball busting while sweating nonstop for weeks during our long days on the road. Things like having our air conditioner bite the dust while traveling through Texas in 114° temperatures didn’t help with irritability, but we all just took everything in stride and were able to practice patience and make the best out of bad situations.
One of the most valuable lessons we all learned was how life is best lived when we take it one day at a time. Of course I’ve heard this a million times before, but I never quite grasped it or appreciated it until now. Living and traveling in an RV for an extended period of time felt overwhelming when I focused on how far we had to go or what an ambitious endeavor it really was. We were constantly on the move, rarely staying in one place for more than a day. Often there were nights when we were setting up at a venue and we hadn’t yet figured out where we would be sleeping. We’d all be calling local Walmarts (where no one ever picks up the phone), hoping we’d be permitted to stay overnight. Even though the endless ringing of the phone drove us nuts, we managed to make a joke out of it and by the end of the night we’d always find somewhere to park. We learned not to panic and not to be picky. What would seem like chaos to us in the past, actually forced us to live fully in the moment. We had to let go of all expectations and just roll with it, otherwise it could have very easily ruined our experience at each show if we focused on everything that could go wrong.
We were forced to remain in the moment as we navigated 7000 miles of unfamiliar territory, parking lots and venues that were big rig unfriendly. There were enough issues to deal with like traffic, heat, and GPS apps not working, so we didn’t have time to worry about the future. We treated it all as part of the adventure and it made us extremely grateful for the times when everything ran smoothly. We talked about all of it and constantly tried to find the lesson being presented which helped us keep a positive perspective. Every day was unique, but regardless of any inconveniences we experienced getting there, by the time we were packed up and moving on to the next gig we were fulfilled and renewed by the music and amazing people we met, so we couldn’t wait to do it all over again.
The most profound lesson that we all learned and keep talking about to this day is that everyone has a story. Touring with the Extreme Tour and canvassing the streets in the roughest parts of town late at night looking for hurting and forgotten people, taught us that every single one of us has a story to tell that is worth hearing. When we take the time to listen empathetically and without judgment, and we look deep inside people for who they really are, it truly matters and makes a difference. We all want to be seen and heard. When we simply acknowledge people (people we typically cross the street to avoid, ignore or step over as they sleep on the streets) it matters more than we realize. I’m still terrible at this. I’m apt to make excuses such as I’m too busy, they won’t care etc., but I’ve become much more empathetic and patient.
At shows when I’m at the merch table I have endless opportunities to talk to so many people and hear their stories. I just never thought to ask until now. When you say something simple like “Tell me your story”, it opens a door for people especially when they’re hurting. I was shocked at how people would respond and how grateful they were that someone actually cared enough to ask and then listen to them. People are craving empathy and connection, we just have to be willing to open up a conversation and then listen. The amazing people on the Extreme Tour embodied this quality amazingly and I was constantly in awe of how truly selfless and caring they were. I think of them every day and strive to follow their example.
It also became abundantly clear that if you’re focused on seeking God‘s will for your life and genuinely trying to follow his lead while trusting Him, things work out and He will take care of you. Over and over we were reminded of this. At church venues they took offerings and people very generously donated gas money without us knowing and at the end of the night they’d surprise us. Lots of people would tell us to keep the change or throw in an extra 20 when buying merch, telling us to use it for gas or whatever else we needed. There were many places where people provided us with meals, hot showers and a place to stay, or an unexpected payment when we thought we’d be playing for free.
At one show we had several CDs stolen off of our merch table. Two days later we received a message on Facebook from a guy who asked if we could mail him a shirt when we got home. He ended up buying $40 worth of merch from us and then threw in an extra $70 because he believed in what we were doing. How incredible is that? Every single time we lost money due to theft or giveaways, within a day or two someone showed up with donations or tips. It blew us away. What an amazing lesson about trusting God. We kept showing up and he took care of everything.
It’s difficult to put into words just how incredible all the people we met were. We arrived home with so many beautiful memories of people being awesome. It’s definitely a reminder that I needed, especially in this day and age. My entire outlook on life and people in general has changed and ever since we’ve been home I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more like the selfless and loving people we met. I can’t wait to write about them all more specifically and I hope to do them all justice. But for now let’s learn from their example and make a commitment to be more empathetic, especially towards the people we tend to judge or avoid.
Remember that we all have a purpose and we all have a story. When we see someone who is making bad choices or treating us badly, or before we label someone as lazy, crazy, a terrible person, selfish, stupid, arrogant, etc., we should pause and remind ourselves that there is a reason for people’s behavior and they are most likely someone who is hurting and in need of love. We should all take the time to listen and let people know that they matter.
***********************
Matthew 6:27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
John 13:34 (ESV) A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.
