Because there’s been so much confusion and debate over what is actually going on in my body for the last two years, it seems strange to now have a diagnosis. One minute I accept having lupus, but then I immediately start to question, “But do I really?”

The diagnosis itself honestly doesn’t freak me out or really make me feel much of anything for that matter. It’s just weird to accept something that I had completely dismissed.

I had another doctor look over all my bloodwork from the last year, and she agreed that the signs definitely point to lupus, especially the positive ANA, chronic pericarditis and inflammation markers. There’s no disputing or rationalizing those away. Three different doctors (all different specialties) have concluded that it looks like lupus, so I’m coming to terms with that as a definite diagnosis.

There’s still a tiny voice of doubt in my mind, however, most likely due to my growing mistrust in the medical system. It feels weird to stop questioning everything. Not only that, but since I’ve started writing about my experience, lots of people have reached out to me to share their own struggles which are very similar to mine.

A common thread among most of us is that these chronic symptoms were triggered by Covid. So I constantly waver back-and-forth between thinking maybe it’s just long Covid or maybe it’s lupus. Regardless, the virus obviously triggered a massive autoimmune reaction in my body that is finally, after 2 years, calming down. So whether it’s merely a slew of symptoms that mimic lupus or is in fact, lupus itself, maybe it doesn’t really matter.

There is comfort in naming it, however. I can visualize my enemy and focus on learning all I can to keep it quiet. Finally, I can stop spending so much energy trying to identify it by myself. And the reality is, whether the diagnosis is 100% accurate or not, for now I can accept it, and if something new is discovered along the way, I’ll learn to accept that too.

For all of you out there searching for answers and feeling frustrated, I totally relate and I encourage you to keep pressing forward one day at a time. Whether you’re dealing with a mystery illness after Covid, a new diagnosis, managing a chronic illness, or are frustrated by being brushed off and tossed around by doctors, you are not alone in your frustration. Please keep speaking up! Writing about it is my tool for processing things and it’s always been helpful to me. Thank you all for sharing your stories and comments. Knowing you’re not alone is so helpful.

My prayer is that we can all find the courage and strength to share our stories and continue to lift each other up. It’s no fun doing it all alone! The following quotes are so encouraging to me:

“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will become someone else’s survival guide.” Unknown 

“God can turn your mess into a message and your test into a testimony.” Rick Warren (World Changers)