Did I actually just leave a doctor’s appointment smiling? Yes! Finally! It feels great to walk out without feeling stupid, frustrated or angry. There’ve been plenty of those negative moments over the past two years so naturally I’ve gotten in the habit of going to every appointment prepared for the worst. (That’s so sad!) Thankfully though, I feel comfortable with my cardiologist who has rarely frustrated me. So I headed to his office armed with my usual list of questions for my follow up and had a positive experience.

For the first time in over two years, I really didn’t have any complaints about my heart. I was happy to be able to report to him that the pain has been quiet for over a month now and I’m actually feeling quite good. I’m getting faster and stronger, my aches and pains are minimal and overall I feel more energetic. 

However, there was an issue with my insurance, so unfortunately there was that to sour the mood a little. The test that he had ordered for me at the end of the summer to check my arteries for blockages was denied. Apparently pain and shortness of breath doesn’t qualify as a problem according to my insurance. I was hoping my doctor would announce that he had fought them and won. But after talking about how my health seems to be improving he’s pretty confident that there’s nothing to be worried about, especially since I passed all my other tests with flying colors. So now it’s up to me to let go of that worry and just continue on this path of strengthening my body. My annoyance and thirst for vengeance on the insurance company will have to be set aside. (I’m quite confident they’ll give me another reason to be pissed off soon enough.)

He reminded me that my body’s been through a lot these past two years with Covid, pericarditis, having the fluid drained from my heart, the effects of different medications, long-term steroid use and the constant flare ups. Naturally, my body is going to take some time to heal and although it was slow, (excruciatingly slow in my book)  my body finally feels like it’s rebounding. 

My last cardiologist appointment was five months ago. I was 14 pounds heavier. My runs had plateaued at mid 11 minute miles that always felt pretty crappy. I was experiencing palpitations, pressure and frequent soreness which left me frustrated because I still didn’t feel right. But now five months later I’m lighter and stronger. I’m running consistently and instead of 11 or 12 minute miles, I can string together five consecutive miles at a mid 10 minute per mile pace and not feel like I’m literally going to die. Do I risk jinxing myself to proclaim that I’m finally seeing some results?

Happy for better runs!

This has been quite the long, frustrating journey, and I hesitate to think I might finally be on the other side of it. I realize a flare can happen at any time or one could never happen again. One thing’s for certain – I’m not going to take feeling well for granted. I’m grateful that medication helped me during the worst parts and I’m glad I found a nutrition plan to help me restore what was damaged. All of the lessons I’ve learned (which you can read about in previous posts) are priceless, and I think of them often. When I was in constant pain, and without any answers, I felt angry and often hopeless, but then something (or someone) would come along to remind me that I wasn’t alone, and there’s always hope. I learned to be patient and to trust God, and most importantly, to always find something to be grateful for and focus on that.

Today I am grateful for finally being able to genuinely smile after my appointment. What about you?