Do you buy into the mindset that you need to earn your Thanksgiving feast? The day after a gluttonous meal do you work out extra hard as a form of penance to relieve your guilt? Perhaps you are like me — someone who runs on Thanksgiving morning for the sole purpose of burning as many calories as possible before feasting all day. Maybe you even starve yourself before and after to atone for eating too much.
I don’t know about you, but my social media feed is already bombarding me with messages that reinforce this mindset and it drives me crazy. There’s a big difference between saying we should exercise to earn a meal or as a form of punishment for overindulgence, versus saying we should exercise because it’s good for us or will make us feel better. It may seem like harmless semantics, or a way to simply joke around about how we eat on the holidays. Some people even use it as a form of motivation, so what’s the big deal?
There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to exercise or eat healthy because it will help us feel better. The problem is when we attach a moral judgment to it. I was guilty of that. If I ate too much, that was “bad”, so therefore I needed to do something “good” like exercise to make up for it. And if I didn’t convince myself to get out there and run a bunch of miles then I’d feel terrible about myself. Quite often that shame would trigger a downward spiral trapping me in the cycle of exercising less and binge eating more because well, why not? I had already proved I was weak. That would easily last from Thanksgiving to January first when I’d resolve to change everything about myself because I had gone off the rails for the last six weeks.
It’s easy to joke around about gluttony during the holidays. We’ve all seen the memes online about earning your pumpkin pie or the graphics that display how many minutes of running will burn off each item on the Thanksgiving menu. They’re intended to motivate us. But for many of us, that’s not really helpful or healthy, especially if we struggle with body image or disordered eating.
This time of the year can be extremely challenging and how we approach it is like walking a tightrope. We stuff ourselves on Thanksgiving, then feel guilty afterward, and wake up the next day feeling as though we have to change everything about our lives and overcompensate with hard-core exercise or starvation as an act of atonement.
For a long time, I was convinced I was pathetic and lazy whenever I indulged and enjoyed food with friends. And that makes me sad. I never believed that about anyone else, so why was I so hard on myself? Why was I convinced I was a failure?
I’m sure we can all agree that eating like we do on Thanksgiving is not a healthy behavior that we want to continue for weeks on end. For me though, it triggered a cycle of binge eating as I attended endless holiday parties and celebrations. It was always a challenge, especially when I was obsessed with my weight and often starved myself to remain in control. Being bombarded with endless parties and treats I found it nearly impossible to not overdo it. Thanks to my struggle with an all or nothing mindset I felt out of control and consumed with guilt.
Thankfully over the past few years, my mindset and behavior around this has changed. When I was faced with auto immune disease and heart issues, I physically couldn’t run. When Thanksgiving rolled around, I still wanted to move my body as in years past, but I could only walk. However, I remember being so grateful that I could even move that I was not thinking about earning my calories or punishing myself. There was something so special about breathing in the fresh air and looking forward to the fact that my friends were coming over to have an awesome day together. I purposely tried to carry that mindset with me all day which grounded me in the reason for the holiday in the first place. And then, in the following weeks, I continued that behavior, each day making the decision to do whatever I could to help my body heal and keep it from relapsing. My body had been through enough, so I no longer wanted to punish it.
“Being more grateful” won’t cure an eating disorder. It’s way more complicated than that. But it was a start for me. I had been so sick and scared which forced me to think differently. I physically couldn’t earn my calories so did that mean I shouldn’t still enjoy Thanksgiving? I couldn’t bear the thought of being miserable on Thanksgiving because I was truly grateful to be alive to celebrate it. So I focused on how moving my body felt good, I listened intently as people spoke, I cherished my family and did my best to crowd out the voice in my head that wanted to tell me I was weak for not running and eating too much.
After years of hard work, deepening faith, and having an illness shatter my world, I’m finally able to see things differently. The guilt and shame that I placed on myself has slowly faded away. I know the eating and exercise habits that allow me to feel my best and fully thrive in my body, so as long as I am consistent most of the time I will be fine. I spent way too many Thanksgiving nights feeling bad about myself. It’s a miracle I’m finally able to leave out the punishment and penance part. I know I will feel good if I run so I wake up and do it because I know that will serve my body best — not because I need to punish it.
If you struggle with eating issues, I understand. My hope is that this year you can allow yourself some grace. You don’t need to earn anything. You’re not a failure. You don’t need to punish yourself. You are not weird, weak, crazy, or hopeless because you struggle. You are human and you are not alone. Our thoughts and words are powerful — especially to ourselves. They can motivate and inspire us, or they can tear us down. Why choose to entertain the latter?
And if someone is telling you that the only way to enjoy Thanksgiving guilt free is by earning those calories with a crazy workout — block them. Work out because it’s good for you and something to be proud of.
