Summer is my favorite time of year. I yearn for it all winter and choke back nostalgic tears when it’s over. No other time of year is brimming with as much adventure, family fun, and hours upon hours of exposure to fresh air, sunshine, and nature. This past summer was no different. However, chaos also decided to join the party. The exhaustion from continually traveling while dealing with countless irons in the fire finally hit me by mid August.
It started back in June. To kick the summer off I challenged myself to run 55 km to celebrate my 55th birthday. All the training and planning finally paid off. The run couldn’t have gone better with the near perfect weather, support from family and friends and raising over $2000 for Heart Support. It was the perfect way to usher in summer, but then we quickly had to change focus.
Five days later marked the first of our three summer tours. Being on the road, living in an RV and supporting my kids’ dreams is the highlight of every year. It’s always so much fun, but it’s also a lot of work. For this first leg, we were on the road for 3 1/2 weeks so after the run we had to pack, finalize details, and get everything ready for our trip. Overall, it was a great experience thanks to uplifting festivals, meeting tons of awesome people, cool venues, and beautiful campgrounds that broke the monotony of sleeping in planet fitness parking lots.
Typically, after we return home from weeks of touring, that’s it for our big summer plans besides a few local shows. This summer, however, since we decided to sell our house and move an hour and a half away, the moment we got home we had to pack our entire house, deal with the closing process, and try to get our new house ready. Trips back-and-forth to the new house, the Salvation Army and the dump occupied our time. The stress of dealing with annoying buyers and people on Facebook marketplace was often overwhelming. Trying to find a spare moment to work out and breathe sometimes felt impossible, even though I knew it would help me feel better. Throw in the unexpected RV and trailer issues that needed to be fixed and paid for and there you have a recipe for total mental overload.
If that wasn’t enough, we still had two more tours to execute. So after a quick crazy week at home, we were off again for another week on the road, this time without the RV. We were fortunate to stay with my sister-in-law as well as at my parents’ house instead of having to find and pay for hotels. What a blessing that was. Paul and I were able to run, grocery shop, do laundry and have a homebase so that the boys could work all day. All the while thinking about how much still needed to get done at home. But thankfully, it was only a week and once again, we returned home to finish packing 20 years worth of house stuff that we had accumulated.
Then before I could blink, I found myself packing the RV for the final tour. While lacing up my running shoes on day two in a planet fitness locker room, it finally hit me how spent I was. The lack of inspiration to move spilled into the next day when I went running at our campground and instead of feeling energized, I almost gave up. The realization that once we got home, we would have only a few days left in our house, overwhelmed me with emotion. My mind immediately jumped to What the hell are we doing? and I had to choke back the panic I could feel blooming in my chest. Why are we upheaving our homebase to downsize and live in an older home that needs work, in a very different environment than we’re used to? Am I insane?
It’s only taken me 55 years (!), but thankfully I’ve learned to confront my runaway thoughts, breathe deeply, and pray in these moments that threaten to freak me out. It wasn’t easy but I forced my thoughts back to our WHY and the moments of reassurance throughout the chaos that God gifted me with. Throughout it all, there were plenty — the 55K going off without a hitch, the love and support we received from so many people, things that seemed to be falling apart (our closing, the countless RV issues, difficult people, last-minute problems) all resolved just in the nick of time. Then there were the countless stories we were privileged to hear from people at shows. People who “just happened” to come to a show at the last minute and “just happened” to be experiencing suicidal thoughts, but after hearing the boys’ music and message experienced a change of heart and left feeling seen and loved. What powerful reminders that it was all worth doing. Having to pack my house or scramble for a closing date is so minor compared to what so many people are dealing with. I was reminded how fortunate I really am.
This summer ended up being a great lesson on perspective. Too often I fell into the trap of fixating on the potential problems and the what ifs. That only fueled the fire of negativity. I’m guilty of it way more often than I’d like to admit, but I’m working on it. Deep down I know that nothing worth doing ever comes easy, that the struggles teach us and force us to grow, and that choosing the comfortable and easy route is tempting, but won’t get us very far. Of course, being in the thick of things it’s easy to forget all of the above, or choose not to believe it. But that’s why we should reflect and resolve to do better the next time.
For sure it was a wild, awesome, stressful summer, but I’m truly grateful for all of it. Looking back, I am reminded of how important it is to step through doors that God opens for us even when it seems crazy. I loved my old house and where we raised our kids, but I know if we stayed we would’ve remained comfortable and stuck. After stepping through the open door, we now have more time with our kids, new places to explore, a new church family, and endless opportunities for growth and adventure.
Reflecting on those chaotic moments, I can clearly see where I still need to grow, but also where I’ve matured. I may not see it when I’m in the throes of it, but reflection allows the opportunity to celebrate the victories and plan better for the next challenge. They always come, so it’s up to me to decide how I respond. Sure I blew up at people, chose to entertain negative thoughts and often felt like giving up. But I also recognized how God has changed me and is teaching me to trust and choose better.
Some things that helped me deal with the chaos:
Daily Bible study and prayer
Journaling
Talking to my thoughts OUT LOUD when I caught them spiraling
Reflecting on the little reassurances that we were on the right track.
Focusing on the ”pros” of moving
One day at a time
Running and working out and being outdoors
Reminding myself how fortunate I am to even be buying a house
Reframing it all as an adventure.
Focusing on other people
