I hate to admit it, but there was a time when I spent most days feeling sorry for myself. Days when I spent an unnecessary amount of time dwelling on my health (especially my mental health) as I constantly tried to make sense of my existence. Why would God put me here if there are going to be days when getting out of bed will be my only victory? Am I going to have to wake up every single day wondering if I’ll survive? If God truly has a plan for me then why can’t I just wake up feeling inspired instead of fearing the days ahead? How does God expect me to fulfill my purpose when He won’t snap his fingers and heal me? These thoughts often paralyzed me and prevented me from interacting with others. All I wanted to do was isolate and often I did.
Deep down in the depths of my soul I knew that there had to be a reason God allowed this specific path full of trials and tribulations. So often I’d hear the sentiment — He is going to use all of it for good. There is purpose in all of it. Honestly, though, in the throes of depression, that isn’t comforting. But whenever I’d climb out of the pit and reflect, I was able to see more clearly to understand the wisdom which would ultimately help me cope the next time I struggled.
When life felt pointless I’d often question— Is there a reason why any of us are here and is there anything we can actually do to relieve our suffering? I’m clearly no theologian, but these words kept popping into my mind — Love and serve. That sounded so corny and trite. How is that supposed to help me on days I can barely get out of bed? When the world is imploding, does simply serving and loving people actually make a difference? And if that’s the case, why does it seem impossible? Especially on those days when surviving or simply getting out of the house is too overwhelming to consider.
A recent sermon that I heard on one of those “pointless” Sundays, shifted my attention from my misery to Jesus. It challenged me to imagine him as he woke up every day knowing he’d have to face persecution, relentless ridicule and eventually torture, followed by a horrific death on a cross even though he didn’t deserve any of it. Despite that he faithfully sought out the sinners, the outcasts, the people society had given up on and thrown away. He healed them, loved them and inspired them. He had no home, no comfortable bed to collapse into after a hard day at work. He had no vacation days or sick time and when he needed strength he didn’t complain or quit. Instead he talked to God and chose to obey Him.
I cannot fathom that. Even on days when depression has hijacked my mind, that’s nothing compared to what he had to endure. All the while knowing that it would culminate in a horrific death. He didn’t brainstorm a bucket list so he could spend his last days relentlessly pursuing happiness. How many of us would choose to do that if we knew we only had a few months to live instead of focusing solely on serving others?
Whenever I’d wake up with an overwhelming fog inhabiting me, I’d silently scream to God “WHY?” All I wanted was for him to make it better so I could open my eyes and function and be happy. However, one day out of the blue I heard Him say, “You are here to love me and to love and serve others.” OK. Great. How is that possible when my entire being is suffocating? Obviously he knows how stubborn I am, so shortly after he placed me in the path of someone who needed reassurance that they were not alone. Thanks to what I’ve been through I was equipped with the ability to empathize, and suddenly all that mattered was helping this person. I wanted so badly for her to know that there was hope. That in turn reminded me of exactly what I needed to hear which broke the chains of self-pity.
When I look back on my life I can honestly say that when I struggled yet still chose to encourage someone, every single time I was blessed in the process as well. Maybe God didn’t snap his fingers and instantly make me better, but he showed me how powerful loving and serving – like Jesus — is for all of us. That’s way more impactful.
What if we made a commitment to wake up each day with the commandment to love each other in mind? It doesn’t have to be monumental. Jesus often changed people’s lives just by having a conversation with them. That should inspire us to do the same. Who can you compliment? Who can you reach out to with an email? Is there a phone call you’ve been putting off? As long as we are breathing we have opportunities to make others feel loved and give them hope. Even in the midst of something painful, we can do what Jesus selflessly did — rely on God for strength to move forward.
I’ll admit that in today’s world that often seems impossible to do. There are days when sharing an encouraging word feels so small and pointless. Keeping to myself and surrendering to the chaos often feels like the better choice. If I’m honest, though, I know that’s only because it’s easier. But no matter how bad I feel, connecting with someone to help them always lifts my spirit.
God created us for connection. To love Him and each other. There’s a reason why we feel better when we serve. Imagine if we all took that to heart. I’ve spent many days alone and depressed, convinced there was no hope. But then a “random” phone call would encourage me, or I’d run into someone who’d brighten my day, or a message at church would speak directly to my pain. Love turns things around. And when the last thing we feel like doing is reaching out to love someone, that’s the moment it becomes most impactful.
When I’m depressed or anxious or overwhelmed by the world, my tendency is to dwell on the negative. It usually feels impossible not to. But it always backfires. So why not make a commitment to look beyond myself and ask God to help me love others better? On my own, I know I can’t do it. I have to ask for his help and look to Jesus‘s example. God wants to work through us. He won’t leave us hanging. The more we ask for help, the better we will be able to love. The more we do it, the more sincere it will be, and that will be life-changing.
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Mark 12:30-31 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
John 13:34-35 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 – Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.