Running is such a powerful tool for transforming our thoughts. Today’s run was a perfect example. I had just left my rheumatologist’s office feeling pissed and frustrated, fighting back tears because I had just learned I needed to start another medication (one that has to be injected – ugh!) in order to get me off the two medications I’m currently on for pericarditis. I had gone into the appointment hopeful that I’d soon be off all meds, instead I left with an additional one and the realization this is far from over.
I had planned on driving to a nearby lake to go for a run after my appointment, but I was annoyed, not only at the reality of more meds, but also at the rain and cold that had returned, wiping out the memory of yesterday’s warmth and sunshine. The dreariness of the cold rain threatened to burst the dam of tears burning behind my eyelids, waiting to be set free. I glanced over at my running shoes on the front seat and reluctantly decided to give it a try. The moment I turned toward the lake and away from the highway I knew I had made the right decision.
As I changed my shoes in my parents’ driveway at their lake house, I could sense the ominous cloud of depression enveloping me, threatening to seep into each and every fiber of my being. It weighed me down, darkened my thoughts and almost succeeded in derailing my effort to move.
Somehow I managed to talk myself into putting one foot in front of the other and after a few steps I was off and running. Have you ever heard the saying “Never trust the 1st mile?“ It’s absolutely true. Here’s what my mind sounded like for the 1st mile. “It’s so damn cold. My feet are already soaked. I can’t believe I’m going to have to inject meds. My doctor doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’m just going to wean myself and never go back. Why is all this happening to me? What if we haven’t figured this all out before our tour this summer?“ On and on the negative thoughts spiraled out of control.
The battle in my mind ensued for a good 15 minutes or so, but eventually the chaos started to calm down as my body eased into the rhythm of running. I was still annoyed but no longer pissed. By mile three I felt the weight of the dark cloud dissipating and by the 4th mile it had disappeared. Suddenly I became aware of the shift in my mindset so I took a moment to breathe deeply and thank God for the peace. Instead of being angry about medication and worried about the summer, I started to understand that it’s really not so bad after all. Shouldn’t I be grateful that there is medication available that will keep the chest pain in check and allow me to stop the prednisone? I no longer felt doomed, and the more I ran, the better I felt. By the time I finished the 6 mile loop I was much more accepting of my circumstance. The cold rain had let up and all I wanted to do was keep going. My mind was clear, my thoughts more logical and I relished the feeling of moving my body.
I’ve been running my entire life. As a kid I ran wild and free, loving it just for the sake of running. As an athlete I competed in big events and loved the feeling of winning. As a mom I loved to watch my kids compete. As a coach I hoped to pass on my knowledge and love of the sport to my athletes. Now in my 50s, a new perspective has been born. I’m more mindful of all the health benefits, physical and mental, and how critical it is in keeping me going. This new outlook wraps all those previous roles into one, where I can now appreciate all of them.
At 9 AM this morning I was angry and depressed, ready to write off the rest of the day and wallow in self-pity. Forcing myself to take that first step and keep going, even though I felt like I was drowning, changed everything. It’s so important that we all find a form of movement that we can do every day. Our mental and physical health depends on it. The first step might seem impossible but I promise you won’t regret it. Just take one step!
The days where you dread running (or any type of exercise) are the days where you need it the most. When it’s the last thing in the world you feel like doing, it’s the first thing you need to do.
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The science behind exercise and brain function is so fascinating. I’ll leave you with the following quotes from the book Spark by John J. Ratey, MD which I highly recommend. Once I truly understood what happens to my body and mind when I run, I became motivated and it has been so helpful, especially in those moments when I really don’t feel like moving.
“… positive effects of exercise, from increasing neurotransmitters and neurotrophic factors to releasing factors from the muscles that build new capillaries in the brain and encourage synaptic plasticity. William Greenough, the neuroscientist who saw that exercise caused neurons to sprout new branches with an electron microscope in the early 1970s, will tell you there’s no question that aerobic exercise is great for your brain.” ~ Spark
“… exercise cues the building blocks of learning in the brain; it affects mood, anxiety, and attention; it guards against stress and reverses some of the effects of aging in the brain; and in women it can help stave off these sometimes tumultuous effects of hormonal changes. I’m not talking about the fuzzy notion of runner’s high… these are tangible changes, measured in lab rats and identified in people.” Spark
“ The brain responds like muscles do, growing with youth, withering with inactivity. The neurons in the brain connect to one another through leaves on tree-like branches, and exercise causes those branches to grow and bloom with new buds, thus enhancing brain function at a fundamental level.” ~ Spark
