It’s time for a challenge! It’s been almost 2 years since I’ve set a goal for myself in terms of running. Or in terms of anything for that matter! In March 2023, I ran a half marathon, which was my first race after almost a 15 year hiatus. I ran it to prove to myself that whatever health issues I was dealing with weren’t going to stop me. But since I finished that race, (an hour slower than I ran in the good old days) I refused to set big goals for myself.

The main reason is because over these last few years, every two steps forward seems to trigger another setback. There are lots of challenges I’d like to take on, but I’ve been afraid to commit to anything because of all of the “what if’s”.

What if:

My feet keep hurting?

Another set of symptoms manifest?

All of these issues have affected me in such a way that my dreams are essentially impossible?

My body just can’t handle it anymore?

I find out I’m really slow and weak?

I fail?

Even as I write that list, it makes me uncomfortable. Am I really going to let a made up list of hypotheticals stop me from a challenge? Am I really going to let fear and doubt win?

No – I’m not. It’s time to face and conquer that fear that dwells inside me.

When I scroll through social media, I’m constantly inspired by people who are out there accomplishing incredible feats. It gets me excited and I’m forever saying to myself. “I wish I could do that!” But what’s the point in wishing? I could spend the rest of my life scrolling and wishing, living vicariously through others who are brave enough to get out there and do things. Why can’t I be one of them?

When I turned 50, four years ago, my goal was to run 50 km on my birthday. I love those types of challenges. On our 15 year anniversary, my husband and I went to Ithaca and ran 15 miles on the Finger Lakes Trail to celebrate. I considered attempting 50 miles for my 50th, but I also needed to be realistic. I had run 50 km before so I knew it was doable. Not to mention the fact I’d be running it solo without the energy that’s present in an official race. I had the route planned out, my kids were going to join me for part of it, and a friend of mine who I coached cross country with decided she would run it with me as her first attempt at an ultra distance. I was all set!

Then on a 15 mile training run, I hurt my foot. I tried for a few weeks to run through it, but I knew my birthday dream was essentially over. I was devastated. After that letdown, I decided I would just have to do a 51K the following summer when I turned 51. Little did I know that’s when my whole ordeal with Covid and  pericarditis would begin.

Every summer that’s passed since I’ve turned 50, I’ve thought next summer, only to watch the distance and my age slowly increase. To be honest, last summer I had basically given up on my little pipe dream. Then the foot pain happened and I wondered if I’d be dealing with issues the rest of my life. Should I just give up altogether? It didn’t take long for me to realize that giving up was not an option.

Currently, I’m recovering from my foot issues (that have actually taught me very valuable lessons which I’ll eventually share) and I’m up to 8 miles for my longest run (which was very slow and painful but awesome). I don’t know what the future holds, but I don’t want fear and insecurity to prevent me from trying.

Typically, I don’t like to share my goals with anyone because the fear of failure paralyzes me. I tell myself that I’ll secretly go for it and if I manage to accomplish the goal, then I’ll share it – once it’s over and I’m assured of success. But then I’m falling prey to the danger of social media, where everyone shares their highlights in order to appear strong, successful, inspiring, and awesome. That’s not real life. Real life happens and all the valuable lessons are learned on the journey to our goals – in the highs AND the lows.

So what if I shared my goal, not knowing if it’s even possible and I have doubts? What if I shared all the setbacks and frustrations (every journey has them) I experience along the way and I accept the fact that I may fail and everyone would know? Would the world stop spinning? Would that actually make me a failure? Of course not. It would make me real.

My goal is to run 55 km (34 miles) for my 55th birthday this summer. I don’t have a set date because I’ll have to work around our touring schedule. Maybe I’ll be able to run it on my actual birthday, maybe not. So I’m giving myself the window of summer, and as it gets closer I’ll nail down a date.

I’m looking forward to the challenge. I haven’t followed a training plan in ages and I’m really excited about the journey. Announcing and chronicling this may seem silly or dramatic, but I know there are many people (especially women my age), who shy away from new challenges or audacious goals, or keep them secret for fear of failure or what ifs. I hope we can all embrace being raw, sharing setbacks and celebrations. There are life lessons in all of it, and through it we can support and lift each other up. I hope you’ll join me.

Do you hesitate to share or set goals? What’s holding you back?