Don’t you love it when you’re hit over the head by reminders of how your body is aging and changing? Like the engine light that suddenly comes on, followed by every other warning light on the dashboard. Do you just consider it a lost cause? Too run down to fix? That was me last week.
What’s the point in running anymore? Why bother lifting weights if I’m only going to feel weaker?
These were the thoughts infiltrating my mind as I tried to convince myself to do another set of bicep curls instead of escaping to the massage chair to end my misery.
It’s honestly a small miracle I completed the entire workout. Discouraging thoughts accompanied every rep as I fixated on all that felt wrong. It wasn’t very pretty.
There’s no possible way I can do a fourth set.
How can the same weight I lifted last week feel so heavy today?
How in the world can I be this bloated after working so hard?
Am I going to be stiff and sore every second of every day for the rest of my life?
Why does the 1st mile of every run make me question everything?
Why does my easy pace suddenly leave me gasping for air?
Why did the 11 miler that was doable last week nearly kill me this time?
Did I just set a record by gaining 6 pounds overnight? Yes. Literally overnight.
Wow! I really am screwed. If these aren’t signs to quit torturing myself, I don’t know what is.
Funny thing is, as I allowed these questions to hijack my mind, there was still a tiny piece of me buried beneath the negativity that knew I should keep going in order to feel better. But as I was drowning in self pity, it was difficult to unleash that part of me. At that moment, when I wanted to throw in the towel at the gym, I really did believe it was the beginning of the end and all my efforts over the past year were futile. But if there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years it’s that crappy seasons pass and the light eventually breaks through. We just have to find a way to keep moving forward, despite the voices in our heads trying to convince us otherwise.
Fast forward just a few days. We had just canceled our Thursday morning group run due to illnesses and rainy weather, so I was preparing to run the usual 4 1/2 miles on my own. However, it dawned on me that I had no time for a long run this coming weekend. Should I try to fit it in today or run the risk of not getting it in at all? The forecasted 40° convinced me to go for it.
My goal was 10 miles, but as the sun broke through the clouds, my inner voice challenged me to go farther. Doubt nagged at me thanks to the last long run that left me discouraged even though I had prepared for it. This impromptu 10 miler on a Thursday? I was totally winging it. But sometimes the unexpected and unplanned end up being a godsend.
The ice jam rapidly floating down the river fascinated me. How lucky was I to witness this up close as I ran along the river for two hours? The warmth of the sun rekindled my hope. I felt lighter without a million layers weighing me down. My playlist kicked ass and energized me. I prayed a lot, felt connected to my surroundings, and allowed myself to stop to stretch and breathe deeply.
Whenever my mind tried to sabotage me, I forced myself to refocus and it actually worked! By no means was I fast or free from struggle, but I was so encouraged. Not only did I finally have a decent run both mentally and physically, I ended up running 12 miles.
What a great reminder that the lows don’t last forever. It’s nearly impossible to believe when we’re experiencing it, but often a plateau or period of darkness precedes a breakthrough. We have to push through in order to get there. Perimenopause seems to have its fair share of plateaus, setbacks, and frustrations. But it also brings along a lifetime of wisdom, resilience, and experience that can become one of our greatest assets.
In hindsight, maybe I was tired and struggling because my body was secretly preparing to break through. It taught me that no workout or healthy choice is wasted. Sometimes we just have to be patient.
It’s not easy, but the breakthrough that awaits us on the other side is so worth it.
Keep going. YOU are worth it!
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