Less than a week until I try to conquer 55 km in celebration of my 55th birthday. Not gonna lie, I’m freaking out just a little on the inside. I’m trying to remain all calm , cool and collected, but if I actually stop to think about it, it overwhelms me. But not in such a way where I truly believe there’s no way I could do this. I mean, I put the training in for the most part. Was it ideal? No, of course not. But I’ve been more consistent over these past eight months or so than I have been in a really long time and that right there is a huge win.
I wish I had another 20 or 22 miler under my belt, but time and schedules just wouldn’t allow it. When I ran my first and only ultra (which was 50K about 10 years ago), the furthest I ran in training was 23 miles. I was definitely in better shape back then, but I was also training for an actual race. Thankfully, this is not a race and I can take as long as I want. I’ve let go of wanting to maintain a certain pace. So deep down I know once I start next Saturday, I’m quite confident I can finish, even if I have to walk the last 10 miles. Hopefully that doesn’t happen, but I’m ok if it does.
Of course, for the last month it’s been unseasonably cold with never ending rain. I could do without the rain, but to be honest the 60° weather has been perfect for running. But wouldn’t you know that this week temperatures will be in the 90s and as I write this there is an extreme heat advisory. The heat kills me, so of course my mind immediately jumps to the worst case scenario. Thoughts like I’ve worked for the last eight months and now the weather is going to ruin my day. But then I have to remind myself that there are ways to deal with the heat, my family is there to help me, and I can run as slow as I want. It’s not ideal but honestly, when is it ever? The worse conditions are the better the story right? Honestly, that hasn’t helped me feel much better because this heatwave has reminded me of how much it affects me.
I keep reminding myself to focus on my why— to raise money for an awesome organization and to celebrate every step that has brought me to this moment. Thinking about those first few days after my heart procedure when I started walking I worried, Wow! This is so hard. I’m starting from scratch. Will I ever be healthy enough to run again? Then came the year of trying to find a diagnosis, lots of steroids and other medication, constant racing heart, shortness of breath and chest pain that didn’t seem to want to leave me — so many hurdles. But in trying to clear them I learned how to take it one day at a time, to give my worries to God, to trust in Him, to celebrate everything I have to be grateful for, to appreciate the beauty around me, and to slow down — things that truly matter.
Come Saturday, all I really have to do is remind myself that I made it to the starting line and now all I have to do — actually all I Get To Do — is run all day. Yes it’s going to hurt. It’s definitely going to suck. But all of those lessons I’ve learned along the way will be there for me to carry me through. My hope is somebody else out there is inspired to keep moving forward, and realize that if I can do it, anyone can. There’s hope for all of us and that’s what I will hold onto.
Be sure to follow along (especially on stories) on my Instagram @runthroughperimenopause for updates throughout the day. And if you’re in the area come join us for some miles! Pray for cooler weather and clouds! 😁