Prior to sharing my fundraiser link on social media, I received $300 in donations thanks to a friend who had privately shared the link. That was the first moment that got me pumped up to run because I realized people believed in the cause. The fact that they were so generous fired me up to get out there and do my part. Suddenly, the run became real to me in a thrilling way. No longer was I freaked out by the challenge.
The next morning I shared the link on social media, and within eight hours family and friends had donated close to $1000! That meant so much to me and reaffirmed the point of doing all of this in the first place. I felt supported and inspired. I know it’s going to be extremely difficult for me to cover those miles, but now, thanks to everyone’s support, I finally believe that I can. Dread disappeared when I realized it’s actually a privilege for me to run all day and that mindset shift has been a game changer.
When I shopped for supplies on Wednesday, anxiety reappeared as I thought about the logistics. In reality, it isn’t all that difficult, but as it sunk in that it’s only a few days away and I’m actually going to have to pull this off, it left me questioning whether or not I’m ready. Or if I actually know what the heck I’m doing. Imposter syndrome hit hard.
I’ve obsessively watched hundreds of YouTube videos and documentaries of ultra races and ultra runners over the years. They’re so inspiring and I admire what these runners accomplish. But it’s a whole different ball game attempting to grasp that I’m going to be the one coming into the aid station hurting, trying to force myself to eat, and then heading back out to run again when my body has other plans.
So over the last few days leading up to the run, I’ve bounced back and forth between conflicting emotions. Excitement over the realization that I finally GET to do this. I actually made it to the start without getting injured or sick and without my body breaking down. But then dread over the enormity of the actual task at hand which became painfully real once I started getting all of my stuff together. How the heck am I ever going to run for that long? Thankfully, the excitement seed was firmly planted so I’ve been able to focus on that when the panic strikes.
These last few weeks have been a whirlwind with trying to work on the house we just bought, while simultaneously trying to sell our current house. All of the cleaning and straightening and yard work, along with hours driving back and forth has been a little stressful. Not to mention leaving my house for all of the showings, rearranging my schedule on the fly, fitting in my final long runs, driving to Chicago and back with Reece, and then driving to and from Indiana for a festival that the boys played. All of this is awesome stuff that I’m super grateful for, but I’m not gonna lie it’s been a lot. All of the distractions have been a blessing in disguise though, because otherwise I would’ve been dwelling on my doubt and psyching myself out.
Thankfully, these last two days have been quiet and I’ve allowed myself to focus on the fundraiser, prepare for Saturday and just chill. I spent a lot of time reading the Bible along with a book about prayer which helped me get still, connect with God and focus on gratitude for the ability he has given me and for restoring my health. Only God can give me peace like that.
I’ve run endless miles on the treadmill watching YouTube videos, and on the road listening to podcasts about ultras. Even though I ran one over 10 years ago, I’ve fantasized about doing another to live out what I’ve been observing. I’m not participating in an actual race or running an impressive pace or on an iconic course. But I’m really excited to get out there and experience all of the things I’ve been dreaming about and to use this opportunity to raise money for something that really matters to me and my family.
I know it’s going to hurt. I’m probably going to want to quit. I know the afternoon is going to get hot and I’ll probably be miserable. But in the same token, I’ll be out there with my family and friends, running through beautiful scenery with one single goal — keep moving forward until my watch reads 34.1. Hey, I may even jump in the river and float for a while to cool off (will floating for a mile count??) For all of that I am extremely grateful and can honestly say I’m really looking forward to it. Let’s do this! 👊💪🏃🏻♀️
Check out the link below to learn more about Heart Support and my fundraiser, and please consider donating. Thank you!!!
https://heartsupportfestivals2025.funraise.org/fundraiser/deanne-maopolski