What a thrill it was to hit my highest mileage week in months! It was a week defined by new strength and focus. I was stoked to have run a sub eight minute mile, essentially cutting my time in half compared to where I was in the fall. I was so proud and excited by my faster pace and cumulative mileage, hopeful that things were finally turning around for the better. Unfortunately, the celebration was premature because it was quickly followed by a week where I only managed three runs and half the distance. The most frustrating part was that it wasn’t due to any physical issues; most of the time I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
May is mental health awareness month and I’m here to tell you that if you struggle with depression or with your mental health I get it. I’ve struggled with many bouts of depression throughout my life from more mild and shorter episodes to downright debilitating ones. But throughout my battles I have learned a lot about how to manage my symptoms. I’m not here to tell you that if you simply run or exercise you will be cured of your depression (or any mental illness for that matter). I can only share my experience, what works for me, and what research is showing in the hopes of convincing you that you aren’t powerless.
I’ve had plenty of people in my life say ridiculous things like “ How can YOU be depressed? There are people who are much worse off than you! Just be more grateful for everything you have. Just snap out of it! Pray more! You have weak faith! You should do more for others!” The list of extremely unhelpful things to say to someone who is in the throes of depression goes on and on. Sure, things like prayer, faith and doing things for others can be helpful and I highly recommend doing all of those things, but they certainly aren’t a cure. And implying that something like gratitude will suddenly change everything (as if we were ungrateful to begin with) only compounds the guilt already present for being depressed. Running does not cure my depression, but its been an incredible tool that helps me manage and prevent symptoms. Consistent running, especially outdoors, undoubtedly helps my mood, clears my mind from the brain fog, improves my outlook, and eases anxiety.
If it seems impossible to even move at times, I feel you. Some days it’s an accomplishment, a feat of epic proportions, to just wake up and exist. I hear you when you say running seems like an impossibly daunting task; even though I know it will help, some days it seems utterly impossible. That’s what I experienced this past week. It was extremely frustrating because it hit me out of the blue. But when I reflect on this past week I can see there are some things that definitely made me more prone to that oppressive feeling that often haunts me. The weather definitely wasn’t on my side. Cold, rainy days are enough to make anyone feel down and the fluctuating weather always affects my mood negatively. When it’s dark and dreary out I notice my mind is sluggish and I’m definitely less motivated. I ate a lot of crap for a few days. I overindulged and therefore ate more sugar and processed food than normal. My sleep patterns were disrupted which only exacerbated the brain fog. Put all three of these together and we have the perfect storm.
Even though I could identify reasons for my shift in mood, I wasn’t automatically snapped out of my depression. I understood WHY I felt that way, but it didn’t take away the feelings. I ran three out of seven days, but on those days I really had to force myself out the door. My body felt heavy, my brain was engulfed in a thick fog and my entire being felt as though it was being compressed and suffocated. It was as if every cell in my body was irritated and on fire. However, on the days that I managed to push past it, I noticed that I felt much better as my runs progressed. I’ve written about this in previous blogs, about how movement in general is vital for our brains and well-being. I’ve talked about how I can feel my thoughts and mind shifting when I’m out on a run. On days that I run, I find I am more apt to eat healthier and to sleep better regardless of the weather. The most difficult part is convincing myself to put on my shoes and take that step out of the door — especially when it feels like I’m drowning.
This last week has been a great reminder to me that there are things that I can do to help myself. It’s like fighting an all out war that has been declared on me, so I have to remind myself constantly that I’ve won battles before and I will do whatever I can to win again. I know that running every day is not going to cure depression but I can say from experience that running can absolutely help me from having a prolonged episode. When I make it a priority to eat well (less sugar, less processed foods, more fruits and vegetables etc.) , have a regular sleep schedule, and get outdoors every day and run, I almost always have a much better day and those days are more likely to turn into weeks and months. And when a bad day attacks me, I’m much better equipped to fight.
There has been lots of research about the effects of exercise and diet on mental health and the findings are encouraging and exciting. I’ve referenced some of those in previous blogs and I won’t get into all of the details now. However, I strongly suggest that you check out the book “Spark” and the book “The Joy of Movement” for two fascinating and convincing reads. Exercise, sleep and a healthy diet are so imperative in helping us thrive, whether we have a mental illness or not.
Compassion and empathy are vital. Instead of telling someone who’s depressed to snap out of it, insist on taking a walk with them. It provides companionship, fresh air, natural light, and a safe place to talk. Simple gestures show people that you care and that one simple act can turn someone’s day around and potentially save their life— yes, it’s that powerful and important!
There have been many articles written by athletes who rely on running to help them manage their mental health. Magazines such as Runners World, Ultrarunning Magazine, and Trail Runner have all published articles on this topic. Again, no one is saying that running is the cure for depression. But the common thread I find throughout my life and the lives of others who have written about it, is that running absolutely helps to keep the fog and darkness at bay and is undoubtedly an amazing tool for helping us to function better. My hope is that you check out these books and articles, educate yourself, then try it out. When we understand what and why things are happening within our minds and bodies, it helps us in figuring out how to tackle the problems that we face.
If you struggle with depression, force yourself out the door. Know that there is someone who feels your pain and is struggling to do the same thing as you are. You are not alone! Use that as motivation to be proactive and make a decision to not let this darkness consume you. It is something that we can fight and it is something that we can help each other with. It’s a war we need to fight together. All of us. Call your friends. Check up on them. If you suspect someone is struggling, offer to help and don’t wait for them to come to you, because asking for help when you are suffocating and afraid of being judged almost always seems impossible. Let’s look out for each other and encourage each other to pursue healthy habits so that we can all thrive and live our lives to the fullest. When we consistently eat and sleep well and exercise everyday, we can ensure that our body and mind will benefit tremendously. I know if I let myself slack off on any of those, I eventually find the fog creeping back in and then it becomes an uphill battle. I trick my mind and say all I have to do is put my shoes on and walk out the door. That’s it. Almost immediately I sense some relief because I’ve committed to an action that I know has worked (even if my brain isn’t cooperating at the moment). It’s been a lifelong battle, but I remind myself of all the victories I’ve had along the way and how they’ve made me stronger and wiser. I hope you can find the courage to take steps today to fight back. You are not alone and you are worth it!
Understanding the science always helps motivate me. Knowledge is empowering. Here are some articles worth checking out:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495
https://www.cigna.com/individuals-families/health-wellness/mental-health-benefits-of-running
https://foodforthebrain.org/condition/depression/