This morning I headed out the door into the dense fog to run in a nearby neighborhood called the Flats. My mind was groggy, the twinge of pain in my foot annoyed me and my body was tired. I chose the Flats because I was in no frame of mind to deal with any hills.
The weather mimicked my mood. The fog was nestled tightly on the river just like the sludge engulfing my brain, while the sky was gray and dreary just like my thoughts. Everything felt “blah” so I dreaded movement. What unfolded next was a precisely timed lesson that perfectly mirrored what my mind and body experiences on a daily basis. By the time I finished I was in awe of what transpired.
To put it bluntly, mornings are usually pretty challenging for me. The sludge in my brain threatens to saturate every cell, my body typically aches, and I constantly struggle to muster up any motivation to go for a run. No matter how much I psych myself up the night before, once reality hits early the next morning and I spy my running shoes in the corner beckoning me, rarely does it ever spark enthusiasm. Instead, what ensues is a nagging pit in my stomach that always frustrates me. Yes, after 50 years of being a runner that’s how my body still responds, probably because of how I feel when I wake up.
But thankfully I’m getting much better at tricking my stubborn mind. I knew that I needed to move so I began to slowly run along the river, noticing the similarities between my mood and my surroundings. Suddenly I felt connected to them. It was like I was in a movie and nature was providing the soundtrack.
After 2 miles I had settled into a pretty decent rhythm. The thoughts in my mind were no longer as bleak. I paused at the playground and noticed the fog shifting over the trees and became aware that the sludge had also started to lose its hold on me. The day was brighter, and so was my mood. Instantly I appreciated the connection. It was as if God was validating my feelings by showing me that I wasn’t alone. Even nature goes through it.
After 3 miles there were glimmers of sunshine over the hill, the birds were singing happily, and the air was noticeably crisp. I caught my first glimpse of fall high in the trees where some leaves had already begun to change. My thoughts were no longer dark as sparks of light and hints of color overtook the fog. I even noticed the light scent of fall in the air as my senses came alive.
Renewed, I ran some 20/10 sprints just to see how I felt and quite honestly the rapid movement was liberating. As I made my way back along the river a mere 50 minutes after I began, the sky was clear, the water was visible and sparkling and my body had reawakened. I cheerfully said “Have a great day!” to the man walking his beagles as I wondered to myself if nature was speaking to him as well.
My watch signaled my 5 miles was complete, so I stopped to soak in what my surroundings were revealing to me — what was once dreary and gray with limited visibility had become a beautiful, clear day with endless possibilities.
What an awesome lesson that unfolded right before my eyes. Deep down I knew it was a letter from God, reminding me that things may appear bleak in the morning, and there may be tons of evidence to support it, however that doesn’t mean we’re stuck there. The way my run and the morning unfolded in sync, couldn’t have been orchestrated more perfectly. I took a step. I kept moving, and I kept pushing through. The fog dislodged and dissipated. The day brightened, and its beauty was revealed. By the time my run was over, my mind was set free.
If you’re feeling stuck, I know exactly how you feel. But you have to get up, you have to get out, and you have to move. One slow step at a time. Notice what’s around you. God is reminding us that there’s so much to see behind the fog. It’s just a curtain waiting to reveal something beautiful that’s being sculpted. We just have to be there for it and be willing to see it and to take it all in.
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I love this quote from Brad Stulberg because it’s what I hold onto and suits me perfectly.
“ A big misconception is that you need to be motivated to get rolling. You don’t. Research shows that motivation follows action, not the other way around. You don’t need to feel good to get going, you need to get going to give yourself a chance at feeling good.”