I’m not going to lie, this new endeavor of following a strict nutritional protocol to heal my lupus can be downright frustrating at times. My goal is always to be transparent and real, so I will start by saying last week was extremely challenging. Maybe there’s a six week plateau or hurdle I wasn’t aware of, but I felt like I was trapped in a never ending loop (like Groundhog Day – a movie I can’t stand!) of washing, cutting and blending veggies with no escape! By dinner time the monotony gets very old and I admit, lately I’ve been uninspired.
My intent isn’t to complain (although selfishly it helps me to vent). I think it’s important though, to point out that there are hurdles in life and not everything ends up being amazing all the time. Especially when the point is to do something drastic, like heal our bodies, there are going to be challenges and I think it’s important that we’re honest about our experiences – especially in this day and age of social media filters, with everyone trying to portray living perfect lives and being fearful of revealing their vulnerabilities. Just recently I was celebrating improvement in my health, but that doesn’t mean it’s all been a cakewalk.
Going to the grocery store almost every day is annoying. Our refrigerator can only hold about two days worth of fresh vegetables that don’t last very long. I do my best to stock up but my options at our local stores are limited. Quite often I make the 20 minute trip to the store only to find what I need is not available. There’s been a few times this week when I’ve opened a fresh tub of power greens to make a smoothie or a salad only to find that a third of the container is slimy and not fit for consumption. Picking out the rotten parts of what I paid good money for and now have to throw away really ruins my appetite and mood.
There’s no doubt about it — it’s just a lot of work. I wish we lived somewhere with a better selection of produce. Besides the almost daily 20 minute trips one way to shop, once a week I typically drive an hour to Wegmans to stock up on things like good flax oil, raw sauerkraut and a bigger selection of produce. In the grand scheme of things I don’t really mind, but it’s time consuming and a lot of work.
When we first started this diet, walking past a bakery was torture! The smell overwhelmed me, while seeing all the sweets filled my mind with fantasies about saying “screw it”, and buying one of everything. I’d find myself shopping annoyed, but after about two weeks it no longer bothered me. Now it actually feels kind of cool and empowering to look at the contents of my cart when I check out. One woman next to me cracked me up with her confused and disgusted expression as she intently watched me and studied my cart. That’s when I knew I was doing something right and it only motivated me more.
Of course the change of seasons would coincide with our change of diet making it even more challenging! I feel like I’m always freezing! After the sudden drop in temperature it’s easy to get stuck daydreaming about a warm bowl of soup or veggie stir fry instead of raw, cold veggies. Recently, I obsessively fantasized about drinking a giant hot chocolate after playing disc golf and freezing my butt off. My 40 ounce iced cold smoothie was definitely more of a challenge to consume after that.
During the week it’s not really that bad, we have a routine. It’s much more difficult when the kids are home and decide to make popcorn during a movie or chocolate chip cookies for dessert. It’s the smell of all the cooked food that gets to me most. One morning after my run I stepped into the house and was smacked in the face with the scent of maple oatmeal and immediately I craved it. But, I made my 40 ounce smoothie and the urge to chow down on a bowl of oatmeal passed. That’s what I’m learning – eventually the cravings pass, and nothing terrible is going to happen to me if I can’t eat something my body was once addicted to.
This particular diet that’s intended to heal Autoimmune disease was not created so we could have fun. Its intention is solely to nourish and heal. There have been moments when I resent the diet, but I just keep reminding myself that this is not forever and what I’m doing now is what’s best for my body. Tuning into my body and pausing to reflect on what’s improved is something I have to remind myself to do.
Eating healthy requires sacrifice and it’s not an easy task. I think that’s where my resentment stems from — the fact that eating healthy is such a challenge to us. Our bodies need an abundance of vegetables and fruit to thrive, yet it becomes a great sacrifice or nuisance when we have to feed our body what it essentially needs. I found myself getting upset when I couldn’t have Oreos or ice cream for dessert and instead had to eat another giant green smoothie. It’s kind of twisted when you really think about it.
We’ve been set up for failure because healthy foods are less accessible, more expensive and don’t have all of the appeal of what’s man-made and presented to us in carefully crafted packages, convincing us that we need it and it’s harmless. No one wants to see an ad for broccoli.
I suppose that’s part of my frustration as well — being bombarded by endless aisles of man-made, processed, junk food that’s cheap, easy to make and of course delicious. I know these foods make us sick, but they’re everywhere and they’re what’s normal and acceptable. Then when we decide to really take care of ourselves, we view it as a sacrifice and a challenge to actually NOURISH ourselves. And quite often we are judged as extreme or crazy when we choose to only eat natural food. That always blows my mind! But hopefully we all realize on some level, that deserts and processed foods aren’t doing our bodies any favors.
It’s time for my rant to come to an end. Being frustrated and tempted this last week has been a great challenge, but also a valuable learning experience. I’ll survive without eating certain foods, and my body is already thanking me. In the end, that’s all that matters. My body has been through a lot and it’s counting on me to give it what it needs. Just like anything worth doing, it isn’t easy. But like I’ve been learning repeatedly these past two years– taking it one step (one meal) at a time, and being grateful for my body’s ability to heal is definitely the key.
