Am I the only one who finds it maddening when someone, although well-intentioned, says that if we would just find faith in Jesus, then depression and anxiety would no longer have a hold over us, then insist we can just pray it away? I’ve been to countless Christian music festivals and church services throughout my life where I have heard testimonies about coming to Jesus moments that radically changed someone, and as a result depression is no longer part of their life. At first I found it hopeful because I believed all I had to do was try a little harder in my faith and I would be cured. But what is someone supposed to believe when they’ve prayed all the prayers and surrendered their heart over and over only to find themselves once again stuck in a pit of despair?
I’ve been thinking a lot about my experience with depression and faith thanks to May being mental health awareness month. As a Christian and someone whose faith has grown a lot over these past few years, I can tell you that depression is a very difficult illness to come to terms with. For whatever reason, the mind games and lies can be devastating when it comes to faith. Anytime I’ve been depressed I have found myself questioning everything I believe, often wondering if I was ever saved in the first place. And I have to be honest, it stems from hearing a lot of the messaging that’s coming from Christians concerning mental illness. I’m not discounting anyone’s miracle story or the truth that some people are instantly healed or radically changed when they come to Jesus. I think that’s amazing and can give people hope. But sometimes those are the only stories that we hear and that leaves some of us wondering what’s wrong with us that we have not experienced something so powerful.
Thankfully, there have been a few people who have shared their stories about wrestling with suicide and dealing with depression after many years of having a strong walk with God. It makes me wonder why we don’t hear more of those stories. Personally, I believe it’s because people are afraid to be really real with their struggles. I’ve spoken to people struggling with mental health issues who have been told, just like me, that they just needed to pray harder, admit their sins, and be more grateful. As a result of being judged, blamed, and not taken seriously, they’ve said the last place they would ever choose to open up in is a church or to a Christian. We’ve been told that if we truly believed in and followed Jesus, then we would walk around with joy forever in our hearts no matter the circumstances. Meanwhile the belief that we can just pray it away is often being pushed by people who have never experienced clinical depression or anxiety themselves.
Let me tell you what it’s really like because I think a lot of people honestly have no clue. Depression is a liar that messes with your ability to think. It can sneak up on you slowly or descend on you overnight. Everything can be completely normal one day until you wake up to your brain being suffocated by a dark insidious fog that warps your thoughts, bombards you with lies, makes focusing nearly impossible, affects your memory, and makes everything that was hopeful and wonderful just yesterday seem completely absurd and hopeless. You can feel it physically — your brain is different, heavier, slower, like being squeezed in a vice while simple movements now require a ton of effort. Every cell in your body is on fire while an invisible weight simultaneously crushes every inch of your body, inciting madness in your mind because you need to extinguish the flames, but can’t force your body to actually do anything.
A perfectly faithful, trusting, God-seeking brain has suddenly become the exact opposite, often to the point where you doubt your faith and wonder why God has abandoned you. Motivation is gone, reading the Bible makes no sense, and everything seems pointless. You didn’t just decide to start thinking this way. It’s like someone flipped a switch as you slept and now you are a completely different person.
Walking into church with a brain functioning this way is painfully difficult. Just being around people in general is hard enough, but to have to smile and act like the normal person you once were fills you with crippling anxiety. You watch people praising and singing, smiling and celebrating as your nervous system rages, begging you to flee. Then comes the message or another testimony about the goodness of God. You sit there hopeless and alone, despite being surrounded by 100 people. The reminder to focus on all your blessings floods you with guilt because you know you have no right to feel this way. You continually fight the urge to cry. The only thing you know for sure is that you don’t belong because none of it makes sense.
The spirit of God is apparently present, but you wonder if you are the only one who can’t sense it. You tune back in to the pastor encouraging everyone to join a study group, make connections, read the Bible, pray more, pray this way, put on God‘s armor — all those things that probably make sense to a healthy functional brain. In fact, those things have been helpful in the past, but to a confused and overwhelmed brain, this just makes faith seem utterly impossible. You can’t fathom existing another moment let alone make the effort to join a Bible study. They call the prayer team up and encourage people to come pray, share your struggle, and be changed. Here’s your chance. But anxiety glues you to your seat because you fear judgement or that they’ll expose your secret. Plus, you’ve already prayed your heart out to God over and over so why would he suddenly listen to someone else?
Like I said — depression is a liar and it warps your thoughts.
The church in general needs to be better at being real. We need to hear more stories about the relapses, the struggles, the shame that goes hand-in-hand with mental illness and what that feels like. Maybe that miracle story is great to hear the first time, but what about in the following weeks when your depression hasn’t lifted and you start to wonder if God has completely abandoned you?
The reality of getting help for a mental illness sucks. It’s a nightmare. Appointments can take months, medicines take weeks to kick in, hospitals are scary and not easily accessible. Imagine how helpful it would be if someone knew they had a safe, welcoming place to go to once a week where people who cared would simply listen and love without judgment. If Christians understood and the church was more open about the fact that depression is so much more than just having bad thoughts, and learned how their patience and compassion could make an impact, wouldn’t they want to be part of that, especially as a Jesus follower?
We need to educate people because there are too many who believe that lack of faith is the root cause of depression and if we all just believed in God a little bit more, we could wipe it away forever.
Depression is a complicated medical issue.
Research has demonstrated the effect that hormones have on our brain and our thought processes. (My hormonal chaos wreaks havoc on my brain and mood and thoughts.) There are many other causes, such as long term lack of sleep, inflammation in the brain, poor nutrition and lack of exercise, lack of sunlight, vitamin deficiencies, and issues in our gut. All of these things have a huge impact on how our brain functions, how it thinks, perceives and reacts. Science proves this. You wouldn’t only tell a cancer patient to pray more, so why is this any different?
I’ve never actually heard a sermon that focused on the reality of depression or mental illness, challenged the belief that meds are a sign of weakness, or simply reassured people that God hasn’t turned their back on them just because their brain is sick. It’s not openly talked about, except when it’s framed as — there’s depression and anxiety, and then there’s life after finding Jesus. Like it’s an either/or and you can’t be depressed if you truly believe in Jesus. What is someone who is struggling supposed to do with that?
If you are a Christian, how would a struggling person know that they are safe and supported? If a person is thinking about ending their life, could they come to you? What would it look like for the church to be a refuge instead of something threatening? Is mental illness something that has been talked about in a loving way so that people will feel safe enough to seek help? Are you able to put aside your need to be right and instead be willing to truly help? Are you willing to be real and honest and simply show the love and compassion of Jesus to that person so they choose to live another day?
The whole point of me sharing this is to let people know that if you’ve experienced this glitch in your brain and as a result been hurt by the church or Christians, I just want you to know that you’re not crazy and you are not alone. I don’t know why God has allowed me to struggle so much but the least I can do is share my story so that if someone else relates, maybe they will find the strength and courage to get through another day. I hope it also encourages more people to share their stories so that we can make the church community a safe place to be really real and talk about it without shame.
Just because you struggle with mental health it doesn’t disqualify you from being a Christian, make you less of a person, or less loved by God.
I’ve learned how to fake it when I’m depressed so that no one can see how I’m truly feeling. Too many people hide it and often that makes it seem like it’s not that big of a problem. But here are the scary statistics:
Nearly 48 million Americans are currently being treated for depression. And according to the CDC over 49,000 people died by suicide in 2023. 12.8 million seriously thought about it, while 1.5 million people attempted it.
There are people sitting in church experiencing a mental health crisis. There are definitely many more afraid to go to church because they are experiencing a mental health crisis. Is that something that we are OK with and if not, then are we finally going to get real and talk about it and figure out how to help people?
I’d love to hear your experiences. Both my kids work in the mental health space and I have volunteered for their organization. There are so many people who have shared their stories of church hurt, being judged and blamed for being depressed or anxious, and don’t consider the church or Christians as compassionate and loving. Too many Christians are oblivious to this and too many choose to discount it. Let’s change that.